I Act Like a Baby on My Birthday

I'm an April Fool. But that's not why.

Mar 28, 2022

Hello! Greetings from Brooklyn. This weekend, I threw myself a big birthday bash. I've never done something like that before.

My birthday is on April Fool's Day (which has made for many spoiled occasions due to harsh pranks) and this year, I wanted something magical.

So I hires a magician, invited my New York City friends, ordered pizza, and did TWO outfit changes.

The best part about the celebration? I smiled so much my face hurt really badly by the end of the night. I haven't been that happy in a while.

Don't wait for anyone to throw you the kind of party you deserve. Don't wait for anyone to gift you the things in life you truly want. Don't wait for anyone to tell you that you're good enough, smart enough, or ready enough….because you are.

My friend, create your own magic.

In this issue: How I feel about birthdays, odd ways to make money drinking wine, and some good business advice.

Why you’re getting this: I'm Jen Glantz and this is my Monday Pick-Me-Up newsletter. I've been sending it for over 8-years, every single Monday morning, to thousands of awesome humans, just like you. Thank you for letting this email live in in your inbox. It makes my heart explode with joy.

I’m turning 34 on Friday…

…and I’m still trying to get wrinkles out of shirts with a blow dryer.
…and I still don’t know how to do my own taxes.
…and I still can’t cook very well. I burned spaghetti last week.
…and I still forget I have clothes in the dryer, sometimes for days.
…and I still eat with my fingers (sorry, Mom) but sometimes I do.
…and I still refuse to say goodbye to people. I hang up the phone before the conversation is officially over and I flee before hugs are given.

I’m admitting all of this to you because I don’t like the idea of growing up, of growing old. Birthdays confuse me.

Can you blame me? My DAY is APRIL FOOL’S DAY. I have been blowing out trick birthday candles and getting phone calls saying that I won a million dollars for almost 34 years now.

One year, a guy at my middle school, who could change the way my heart beat just by speaking to me, told me that he thought I was the most beautiful girl in the whole world. I turned watermelon red. Back then I had crooked teeth. A lot of acne. I didn’t know how to straighten my hair (I still don’t). Hearing him say that made me faint into my lunch tray. But before I did, he screamed out April Fools!

I cry on my birthday every year.

Not because of that.

I cry because birthdays make me really sad. How could a day when you admit to the world that yes, you are older, be something to celebrate with dance parties and balloons and cake?

The year I turned 20 was the first year I cried on my birthday. My sorority sisters threw me a surprise party.

“What’s with you?” One of my fellow 20-year-old friends asked me.

“It’s just…”I tried to say, howling so loud with shaken cries that I sounded like an exhausted werewolf. “I’m no longer a teen.”

“But who cares what you’re no longer?”

I realize now this friend was wise beyond her years.

“Celebrate what you’re going to become.”

Last year, I tried to lie about my age. I figured it was my turn to fool everyone else. I had the idea that I’d claim to be 32, again, for an entire year.

The year before that, I convinced myself if I ignored my birthday, everyone else would forget, and then it wouldn’t be real, and then I could be 31 forever, right? It worked for a little while. But then I was flying from FLL to NYC on JetBlue and halfway home, a flight attendant got on the speakerphone and asked if someone by the name of Jen Glantz would stand up.

There I was, in seat 11B, standing in front of a plane full of eager to get home New Yorkers.

I thought I was getting busted for my bag filled with stolen library books. I thought the guy in 11A reported me for falling asleep and drooling on his shoulder.

“Here at JetBlue, April Fool’s Day is no joke to us.”

Oh, no.

“That’s why we want to give a free ticket to our April Fool’s Day passenger, Jen Glantz, who today, turned 31.”

Thanks, JetBlue, for ruining my game plan.

A lot of has changed for me in year 33. I got married. I created a card game. I almost finished my 3rd book.

Birthdays are just birthdays. Maybe it’s as simple as that. Just a mark on the calendar. A tick-tock that leans us a tiny bit forward. It’s quite beautiful. They are a day to celebrate being alive. Life. To wake up and splash water on your face and notice a new wrinkle sprouting on your forehead and a gray hair wiggling hello on the top of your head and wanting to just yell horrible things at gravity for making your whole body slowly sag to the ground.

It’s a day when we shouldn’t roll our eyes at those things. Because those things prove something we forget every day, every month, every single year.

You and I? We are alive.

Goodness gracious, Jen, stop forgetting that.