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I don't trust people.
But for some reason, I trust psychics with all of my secrets.
The first time I ever went to one was in 2016 at a party for single people on Valentine's Day.
She looked into my sad little eyes and simply said: "You will never find love."
Of course I believed her.
Up until that point, I felt like I would have a better chance at winning the lottery or getting struck by lightning than making it past a second date with someone.
So I assumed this stranger, who I'd never met before, who didn't even know my middle name, was right about the rest of my life.
Spoiler alert: I met Adam a month later and we are now married with a child and a dog and a joint savings account.
After that ordeal, you would think I'd keep my cash to myself and not spend it on a psychic who is going to tell me advice that likely isn't true.
But no.
It didn't stop me from walking up a flight of stairs, handing over money, and sitting in front of a psychic on Saturday.
👋 Welcome to the Monday Pick-Me-Up. This time, she dug into all my insecurities, patted me on the back about all my future success, and as I unraveled in front of her, she asked me for $1,400.
I fell in love with a psychic
If you’ve been reading this Monday thing for a little bit of time, it’s obvious that I am desperate for my own pick-me-up. I’m in a boxing match with my identity, my career, my mistakes, my anxiety, and blah blah blah.
So when my friend and I passed a sign for a $25 psychic reading, we looked at each other, and said: duhh.
We’re the kind of friends who tell each other everything and give each other every piece of advice. But at some point, you just want a person who claims to have higher powers enter the chat and tell you gobbledygook that you cling to with every desperate bone in your body, Spoiler alert: we rarely listen to advice from people we know and love. But we quickly listen to advice from people we don’t know, who have great personal brands and are marketing experts (aka: podcasts and self-help books).
I went first. I told the psychic my birthday. She pulled three cards from her tarot deck.
She said: Oh no.
Oh no? I asked her. Not again, I thought.
You’re in a weird place right now in life, she started. Then, she went in endless circles picking apart every area of my life and explaining what was wrong, how it got so wrong, reassuring me that I could reverse myself out of this rut.
She assigned words to things i’ve secretly been feeling. She started the conversation by telling me that she knows I’m drained. Drained. Perhaps there’s no better word to describe this era of my life.
Minutes went by and my lips started to quiver. This psychic knows me. She gets me. Nobody understands me like this.
My heart started swinging on monkey bars.
You are so spot on. I told her, reaching for a tissue to pat over my eyes.
Later, I said things to her like:
How do you possibly know all of this?
Later later, I wondered if she’d consider being friends, real friends, outside of this $25 business transaction.
It was like she’d known about the worst, the best, the saddest parts of me, and even still, she sat there telling me the things I desperately wish I could tell myself.
I thought about ways we could keep this friendship alive. Maybe she’d come to my birthday party. I was going to offer to build her a website! I’m not a psychic, but I am a good listener. Maybe she needed someone to do that for her?
But as I was planning the next decade of our friendship in my head, thinking about how much she understood the complicated parts of my messy self, she said:
Here’s the good news.
Good news! I perked up.
I know how to fix things. I can make you better. I think it’ll take 7-14 days and it will be intense but by the end of that time frame, you’ll be back to yourself. You’ll be unrecognizable.
Well look at that! I thought. She wants to be friends! A rushed type of friendship, but I’ll take i’ll take. I’ll take anything to remain friends with this person who gets me like this!
Great, I said.
We can start right now. All I need is your astrological sign and $1,400.
$1,400?
Here’s the thing. She continued. Don’t tell anyone about this, especially your husband. He won’t understand. Your friends won’t either.
Okay, I replied thinking about how I could come with $1,400. I could pull it out of my thin 401k. Who needs retirement when you have RIGHT NOW TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE! I could sell everything I own on Poshmark? I could set up my tripod and be an influencer — I really don’t want to be an influencer — I could…. wait a second. What is going on here? I’m about to get severely scammed. I’m sitting here vulnerable and sad and she knows it. She said all the right things to get more money out of me.
Yeah, I don’t think so. I told her, grabbing my purse and eyeing my friend through the door.
I know you, she continued. You like to procrastinate on things like this. Pay the money and don’t think twice about it.
My tears turned to ice. My heart froze. I closed up my chest of secrets. I thanked her. I left.
I repeated our entire interaction to Adam — and anyone who would listen to me.
When I told Adam how she called me drained, he said: duhh. It was obvious. I looked like it. I had come straight from a hard workout class. I wasn’t wearing any makeup. I didn’t sleep the night before. Drained was just a powerful and dramatic word to describe my appearance that day — It was just such a good word that it was a gateway drug that latched me onto everything she said next.
All of the things she said to me were actually obvious. Of course I wasn’t happy with all of my life — that’s why a person walks into a psychic’s office at 2pm on a Saturday. Of course I wasn’t feeling like I was living up to my potential. My slumped shoulders were restless. Everything I repeated out loud made it obvious she had given me a cocktail of left hooks, right hooks, and uppercuts, that opened me up and made me fall in love with the comfort of how she cradled me during our session.
I’m Fort Knox when it comes to get scammed. Not me! Not ever. But with her, it was almost.
I almost took money out of my 401k for this, I told Adam.
So what lesson did you learn here? He asked.
I wasn’t going to lie to him and say: that going to a psychic is a waste of time. Because I will go again. Of course I will. Life is too short not to be foolish.
Instead, I think it’s this:
The moments when you are the most vulnerable are the moments you should hide your wallet.
👏 Instant Pick Me Ups
🛒: Some of my all-time favorites:
I live in this sweatshirt. I have it in white and black.
I mostly wear workout clothes so I invested in a matching set that looks great and makes my workout attire feel put together. These pants are my favorite and this sports bra is great too. Expensive, but comfortable and fits well. I got it in light blue and black.
I just wore this dress to a wedding this weekend. It is now my favorite dress in the entire world.
Still wearing these every single day.
📖: The synopsis of this book is unreal. I pre-ordered it!
🎵: Playing this on repeat, whoa.
⏰: A reminder to make your annual doctor’s appointments. I just went to the derm for an annual skin cancer body check. So important to go.
😊 My Real Life:
In an effort to get in “the best shape of my life”, I’m clutching onto easy hacks that help make this happen. Everyone raved about this show on Netflix. The episodes are 26ish minutes long — which are perfect to watch while doing light cardio at the gym. I made a rule that I’d only watch this show while in motion. So when I craved an episode, I laced up my sneakers and watched one while slowly walking on the treadmill.
I owe you an apartment tour. I’m still getting things together around here. I’ve always wanted to wallpaper and a wall. I’m obsessed with this pattern so I just put this up in a little secret hiding place in our apartment. I’ll show you next week! 3