👋 I regret everything, okay?
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I spent Saturday night covered from head to toe in sticky notes. Each tiny piece of paper had scribbles of words on it, documenting my life's regrets from as far back as my mind could recall (age 4). I wrote each regret down and stuck the paper to my body.
The notes pressed into my skin, trying to extract the gunk within me, like those zit stickers you see everywhere.
What could all this sadness reveal? What lessons could I learn from the mistakes that haunt me?
I didn’t feel wise enough to know, so I just sat there on the floor, hoping to figure it all out.
Spoiler alert: Hours passed. I desperately wanted to go back in time, to have second chances, to change the past. But this is real life, not the plot of a fiction book. There was no going back.
There was only now and, hopefully, tomorrow.
I knew what that meant.
These regrets had to get off of me, or else they would continue to become me.
👋Welcome to the Monday Pick-Me-Up. I read a really powerful book about regrets last week that I clearly can’t stop thinking about. But the sticky notes are now off my body and I figured out a way to use them for good.
👋 What to do with a pile of regrets
Last week I read a book called The Midnight Library. The main character is a woman in her thirties who is so run down by life. She’s not sure she wants to live anymore. Through a series of events, she enters a library that’s filled with books. Each book represents a regret in her life. She can grab any book and go back to see what would have happened if she did the opposite of what she did in real life. Ex: If she married her ex instead of calling of their engagement. If she didn’t quit swimming and became a gold medalist instead.
It’s one of the most whimsical and thought-provoking books I’ve read in a long time. We can’t go back and re-do what we believe our are wrongs. But we can write them down on sticky notes and obsess over them until we find the answers.
So that, my friend, is exactly how I spent my Saturday night.
I was able to think of 73 life regrets. Some were so small and meaningless — like my most recent haircut where I said “do what you think will look good” and she chopped off four inches too much.
Others haunt me every single day.
My list was ugly but humbling.
And after writing each regret on a sticky note and placing it on my body — for what reason, you might ask? Well, because I’m a visual gal and I wanted to spend a night sulking in my own drama — I realized that most of our regrets fall into five categories.
Each of those categories teach us something, if we’re willing to take the truth and do something with it.
Regrets of Inaction:
These regrets stem from the things we wish we did. I regret not taking my agents comments on my fiction book in 2019 and making those changes. Instead, It’s been almost five years and I haven’t edited a sentence.
When these regrets haunt us, they send a quick bitter shock to our lower abdomen. It’s so hard not to waste time thinking what if. It’s so hard not to be certain that if we took action back then our life, or someone else’s life, would be so so so different.
I don’t have a time machine and I can’t edit my own life story. So I took the regrets that were shoved into this category as reminders to be more present in my own life. To stop procrastinating. To be more honest about my intentions. To set stricter deadlines. To tell people what is on my mind.
Regrets of Action:
These regrets involve things we wish we didn’t do. Like making poor relationship decisions, doing something risky, or making a career move that didn’t go as planned.
My regrets in this category were tough to let go of. But I looked at each one and asked myself:
What do I wish I did instead?
What would it have taken for me to know that back then?
How can I make sure I don’t make that same mistake in the future?
If I can’t undo the action of the past, what can I do to accept it and move on?
Regrets of Choice:
These regrets arise from choosing one path over another, whether it’s wishing you picked a different career, lived somewhere else, or broke up with an ex-sooner than you did.
I had a lot of regrets in this category but the more I thought deeply about each one the more I realized that those choices led me to where I am today in life and I’m glad they did. This was the easiest category to part ways with, accept, and see the silver linings.
Regrets of Lost Time:
These regrets focus on how time was spent or wasted. We might regret spending too much time on unimportant activities, not spending enough time with loved ones, or not taking the time to enjoy life and be present.
My most recurring regrets lived in this category. I’m always so mad at myself for how much time I waste fighting with loved ones. I don’t move on from arguments quickly. I let them linger for days — weeks — months. When I look back at most of those arguments, they never should have lasted as long as they did.
This is something I’m really still working on because it’s not so easy for me to say: You hurt my feelings, I accept your apology, let’s put this behind us.
This category is my ongoing work in progress that I want to stay intimately aware of.
Regrets of Self:
These regrets relate to our personal behavior, traits, or characteristics that we wish we could change. This can include not being more assertive, not taking better care of one's health, or not being true to oneself.
I wrote about some of these regrets in last week’s newsletter. My sense of self needs a makeover and I’m calling this operation flop.
If you want to map out your regrets and see what you can learn from them, here are the steps:
Make a list of all the regrets you can think of from your life.
Drop them into each of these categories
Decide what each category can teach you. Figure out how which ones you need to work on not repeating. Look at the ones that are so tough to let go and figure out why. Revisit this list often. Not a lot of things in our daily lives remind us who we are and who we want to be. This type of list absolutely does.
My love,
Jen Glantz
⚡Instant Pick Me Ups
📚: Recommending The Midnight Library because it’s one of my favorite books ever.
👙: Shopping list for the week included:
Been eyeing these sneakers for a while and now they are on sale. Picked up a pair for the summer.
I will be wearing this in my hair all summer long.
Grabbed this comfy set. This pattern spoke to me.
A crossbody bag that’s light-weight and holds just enough for summer outings.
🎶: A fun little jam duet from two artists.
The FlOp
I shared last week that I’m starting Operation Flop as a way to kick my own butt and start doing the things that have fallen off my to-do list. I asked what category to start with and 68% of readers picked: Health.
Inside Operation FlOp, we’re not scared of failure. We’re scared of rotting in our old comfort zone :) so I want to do things that are a little scary but good for my goals. I’m brainstorming a few health challenges and will share what they are next week.
Interested in doing your own version of Operation FlOp? Leave a comment and let me know!
Why you’re getting this: I'm Jen Glantz and this is The Monday Pick-Me-Up newsletter. I've been sending it every Monday, for 9-years, to thousands of awesome humans, just like you. Thank you for letting this email live in your inbox. It truly makes my heart explode with joy.
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