👋 It's your fault, Tony Robbins
It's Monday. I'm here for you.
Hi, Friend! It's me, Jen Glantz.
I'm haunted by Tony Robbins.
Even though it's been 10 years since the whole thing happened, whenever someone around me jumps up and down and screams yes! yes! yes! (which happens a lot with toddlers) I think of him and my belly gets tight and I wish I could delete it all from my brain.
The fire walking. The crying. The manufactured moments of feeling so alive.
Back when I first met Adam, he got these buy-one-get-one tickets to a Tony Robbins conference in New Jersey. It was at a stadium with 14,000 other people inside. I didn't want to go, but when you're freshly dating someone you like, you feel like you're supposed to check out their hobbies and say yes to some of the things they enjoy doing.
So I went, and 15 minutes into the whole thing, I told him I'd like to leave.
Come on, give it a try, he asked.
So I did. I sat there with my arms and notebook open.
But the conference had some weird rules. You couldn't bring any outside food or drinks in (and they hardly had any for sale...).
They ask you to jump up and down with your hands above your head and scream yes! yes! yes! every few minutes or so. Music would play and that would be your cue to get up from your seats and move like a fool. Someone would be lecturing about living your best life and all of a sudden a song with a beat would start playing and every single person would get up and do this.
I am not someone who likes to do what everyone else is doing. Especially for no reason. Tony Robbins wasn't going to suddenly knock that out of me. So I stayed in my chair.
A woman saw me sitting and tapped my shoulder: Get on up!!
I'm good! I screamed back with a thumbs up over the loud music.
Seconds later, another person saw me sitting and said: Get on up for a few seconds!!
No!! I mouthed with a smile.
Halfway through day one, I turned to Adam and thought: There's a lot of cult-like things happening here and it's not my vibe, but it seems like it's a little of yours and that's not a deal breaker, but I'm just not going to ignore my gut trying to tell me that something is off and this just isn't my place—especially because my gut has a history of being right when it tells me to bow out in weird situations like this one.
But again, we had just started dating and I didn't want to ruin his experience, so I just said: You stay, I'm going to take a stroll.
I had nowhere to go. The stadium was in the middle of nowhere New Jersey and I didn't have a car. So I walked laps around the arena and found empty nosebleed seats at the other end from Adam. I figured I'd nap or cry or text someone for help.
I parked myself there and scrolled Instagram.
There was nobody else in my row, but there were a few people in a row nearby, and when we had to do some group experience, one person came walking up toward me.
I'm Jim, he said, but before he could continue on, we all had to get out of our seats and jump up and down. Yes! yes! yes! he shouted.
(I found this video from 2017 to show you exactly what I’m talking about)
Look, I appreciate you coming over here, but I'm kind of taking a break from all of this.
He looked at me confused. Clearly I was alone in this nosebleed hideout section.
This is my fourth one of these, he said, and all I can say is that if you quickly change your attitude, you'll slowly change your mind.
I kicked my feet up and crossed my arms.
Thanks for the tip, I said and motioned him to get away from me with my eyes.
But the problem with the conference is that it's long, really long, and so by 8pm, I was hungry and tired and subconsciously absorbing everything they were saying at this place, so I'm sure I bought in more. But more than anything, I was lonely.
And so I left my nosebleed seats and found Adam and lied.
I'm ready to buy into this, I said with the fakest smile in the world and then jumped up and down. Because what choice did I have? Unless I wanted to get a $150 Uber out of this place and back to Manhattan, I was trapped.
But even in the hours that followed, it all seemed so wrong.
Sure, you can change your attitude, but when you know something is just so wrong for you, you won't be able to change your mind.
At midnight, the conference takes all of us outside. I'm guessing there were thousands of us and they instruct us to leave our shoes inside.
The walk of fire, someone says as we're lingering in the lobby.
You have to be kidding me. We're going to walk on fire? This is some serious cult stuff. Doesn't anyone realize this?
But those words enter people's ears like water and they don't catch what I'm saying.
But again, I just went along.
And when it came time for my turn, I put one foot forward and ran across the fire.
If we keep lists of the stupidest things we do, this would be at the very top. One day when I teach Gemma that just because other people are doing something bad doesn’t mean we should do it and she asks for an example I will simply say:
Your father and I walked on fire….
We can change our attitude quickly. Force ourselves to say I'm going to be happy!! I'm going to suck it up!! I'm going to be a trooper here!
But you can't fool your mind. It's there to protect you. It knows too much. It doesn't let you be fake because if it did, you'd get hurt too much.
Your gut knows things before your brain catches up. That feeling uncomfortable in a room full of people screaming yes! doesn't make you broken or cynical. It makes you you.
Sometimes the bravest thing you can do isn't doing what it takes to fit in.
It's trusting that voice inside that whispers this isn't right even when 14,000 other people are telling you it is.
Now love is different. All rules go out the door when you're in love. Nothing makes sense. But that's a story for another day.
Take care of yourself this week (ilysm),
📖 I’m Going on a Book Tour
I can’t wait to share more details soon but i’m heading to around 8 different cities to share Finally the Bride with you IRL. I can’t wait and hope to see you there if you’re local and want to stop by. Here are some cities I’ll be in: Tampa, St. Louis, Atlanta, NY, and lots more!!
👟Melissa Shoes
Wearing these as a fun way to add a bold accessory to my outfit. Plus, they are super comfy and smell like childhood.
🧽 I Was on CNN!
I’ve been working on so many things silently and when they suddenly get buzz, it makes the journey feel a whole lot less lonely. I got a call to be on CNN this week to talk about the 100+ wedding AI tools my team and I have built for Bridesmaid for Hire. It was such a fun experience and I wasn’t nervous at all because I didn’t have time to be. I was watching Gemma and sooo busy trying to keep her distracted when I went live on TV…that was tricky..and one minute before my segment, I wa changing a dirty diaper, so my hands were literally soooo full! Anyway, SUPER proud to share thus!
Thank you for reading this week’s pick-me-up. I adore you! I’ll be back in your inbox on Monday. Until then, hit reply and say helllloooo!
If you want to follow me on @jenglantz, I’d love it. And if you have anything to share or ask, hit reply or comment below.
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Never a dull moment Jen! I love the idea of your gut knowing things before your brain catches up. I’m going to remind myself of this often!
Super congrats on your CNN interview!! Hooray!! 🎉👏