On Being the "REAL" You
Not the person you think people want you to be
Greetings First name / friend, It's me, your friend Jen. I'm writing to you from the L-Train.
There are people all around me, yet nobody sees me. Even if I stood up and shouted - today is a wonderful day - everybody would pretend they didn't hear me.
That's the beauty of wanting to stand out in a crowded place. You learn that the only way to do that is with silence.
And once you've learned that, it's like you've unlocked some kind of magic power.
In this issue: Finding close friends after losing a close friend, the comfort of knowing you're riding a wave, and books to read from author friends.
Why you’re getting this: I'm Jen Glantz and this is the Pick-Me-Up newsletter. I've been sending it every Monday, for 8-years, to thousands of awesome humans, just like you. Thanks for letting this email live in in your inbox. It truly makes my heart explode with joy.
THE PICK-ME-UP
Last night, Adam says to me:
I'm so proud of you for having friends who you can be your 100% true self around.
And he says this because he knows it hasn't been something easy for me to find.
Last week, I wrote about how my best friend broke up with me around 4-years-ago and didn't give me a reason why. It shattered my heart and my confidence.
If the person I felt the most comfortable around didn't want to be around me anymore, what did that mean?
It meant I needed to figure it out.
So I invested a lot of time, mental space…. and money in therapy NOT to understand why she walked out of my life, that's something only she knows, but to understand what I can do to be a better friend.
Because the truth is, back then, anyone who knew me would would say that I was a little closed off, private, hard to really get to know, distant, secretive, a giant mystery.
When Adam and I first started dating I remember him saying:
I wish more people in your life really knew the real you.
And I'd get mad at him for saying that.
The real me? I am the real me!
But what he was really saying was that around most people I was different. I was scared. I always held back showing off my entire personality, the deepness of my heart, the oddness of my brain.
I wanted people to like me, LOVE ME, so badly that I thought the only way to make that happen was to be less like me and more like the person I thought they wanted me to be.
I was so wrong.
Not everyone will like you. Not everyone should like you.
But if you are “you” then you'll find the right people who need to be in your life because they want to be around you.
It's taken me years to work on changing this about myself and I started slowly.
When I'd meet a new friend, I'd take a break from deflecting talking about myself and forced myself to share something new with them, as often as possible.
If they asked me how work was, I wouldn't say “It's good” and change the subject. I'd share one thing I was working on.
If they asked me how I was doing, I wouldn't just say “I'm okay”, I'd tell the truth. The whole truth. Even if it was dense.
As I opened myself up to others, some people didn't like that. Some people tip-toed away. But more people than ever stuck around.
This past week, a friend who I met during the pandemic, who recently moved to LA, was back in town.
She doesn't know me as the closed-off version of Jen Glantz. The one hides everything, shares nothing, and makes it impossible to form a connection with.
She knows me as Jen Glantz.
Just saying that makes me want to cry.
We laughed hard. I told her more of my deepest secrets. I admitted some of my opinions on things that might be controversial.
And there were SO many moments this week that I thought to myself:
I can't believe I have this type of friendship. I can't believe I have people in my life who know me, reallllly know me, and love me like this.
So when Adam said to me:
I'm so proud of you for having friends who you can be your 100% true self around.
All I thought about was how much better life is when you're not shying away from everything you are and everything you want to be.
All my love,
Jen Glantz
Random Pick-Me-Ups
A few incredible people I know recently became authors (most of them for the very first time). I wanted to share their books with you because not only can I verify that these are awesome reads but it's always nice to support up-and-coming writers who worked so hard to get a book out there to the world. So check these reads out:
The Farewell Tour: A Caregiver's Guide to Stress Management, Sane Nutrition, and Better Sleep Through the lens of this heartbreaking and intimate journey, Cording offers a funny, heartwarming, and unique approach to end-of-life care or caring for someone with ongoing needs. She seamlessly blends her own expertise as a dietitian and health coach with humor and personal anecdotes while featuring interviews from other wellness professionals, world-renowned musicians, and music industry professionals.
Hocus Pocus Practice Focus: The Making of a Magician An inspiring, rhyming read-aloud that reveals a magician's greatest secret -- real magic happens when you prepare, practice, and persist! (Ages 3-8).
The Art and Business of Acting for Video Games This first-of-its-kind guide is perfect for actors who want to take their craft into a new, exciting world.
Things to Read About Friendship
I'm really obsessed with friendship this week - the oddness and the beauty of it. I found some good articles on the topic to share with you:
How to communicate better with friends - texting vs. phone calls
What to do when a friend breaks up with you - because it's painful
The Best Amazon Prime Day Deals
A comfy pullover sweatshirt that you can dress up or down
A blanket for lazy afternoons on the couch this winter
Everyone I know is playing pickle ball so got this set to gift a friend for the holiday season
I'm thinking of FINALLY getting this air fryer
There's nothing I want more than this ice machine LOL
Grabbed a pair of this Apple headphones
The Newlywed Card Game (for $2 off!)
This song reminds me of my ex-best friend (the one who broke up with me). I used to NOT be able to stomach listening to it. But it came on during a spin class last week and I found myself feeling so strong and motivated. People leave our lives. We try to move on. The little things remind us of them. Eventually, those things don't make us feel sad anymore. They wake us up and we see just how much we've become better since then.
The End
Thanks for reading the Pick-Me-Up Newsletter. If you want to keep in touch this week, you can find me on Instagram, Linkedin, and TikTok (for a real odd time).
Until next Monday, I'll be rooting for you and cheering you on! Have an epic week.
Jen Glantz