The Friendship Inventory

Why I Do This Every Year

Greetings First name / friend, It's me, your friend Jen. Greetings from my kitchen table.

Last week was the Jewish New Year (the holiday of Rosh Hashanah). I'm not a fan of cooking but I desperately wanted to make a special dinner for Adam and I to celebrate the holiday. I spent the afternoon trying my hardest to create a few dishes from scratch. As I set the table for the two of us, I got sad.

Two of us. Just the two of us. Did we do something wrong in life that we didn't have anyone to celebrate the holiday with this year?

But then I remembered how flawed it is to measure joy by how many seats you fill in a room. 

How faulty it is to compare and contrast your celebrations based on what you see on Instagram. That family isn't about how many people you hug during the holidays, and it's often not even about the people who are related to you. It's about the people you surround yourself with - friends, neighbors, even sometimes just a mini-celebration with yourself.

As we sat down to dive into my home cooking, I flipped my attitude, realizing that it doesn't matter how big or small your celebrations are in life. Birthday parties, weddings, job promotions, anniversaries, Thanksgiving dinners. 

As we crawl into this holiday season, know that it matters how much love you feel within you, no matter if you're solo, sitting beside just one other person, or in a room where every seat in the house is taken. 

And as you're scrolling through social media wondering how everyone else has a big happy family - and you don't - realize happiness isn't something you can judge from a photo. And comparing your life to anyone else's is simply a waste of time. But you already know that. Dear friend, just remember that more often. 

In this issue: A yearly friendship inventory that I create, the song I can't stop playing, and some good things to dive into on a Monday. 

Why you’re getting this: I'm Jen Glantz and this is the Pick-Me-Up newsletter. I've been sending it every Monday, for 8-years, to thousands of awesome humans, just like you. Thanks for letting this email live in in your inbox. It truly makes my heart explode with joy.

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Here's the feast I cooked for the Jewish New Year. Virtual temple is streaming in the background. Way in the background is a box of black and white cookies. Not pictured: the amount of fun we had, just the two of us, celebrating the holiday eating pasta salad, potatoes, and roasted carrots (the extent of my cooking skills LOL).

THE PICK-ME-UP

Tomorrow night begins the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur. It's a time when you're supposed to ask for forgiveness and think through for any wrongdoings that you did during the year prior.

I use the holiday as an opportunity to do something a little different.

I do a friendship inventory instead. 

Four years ago, after my best friend broke up with me, for reasons she never shared. 

Was I too self-absorbed? Did I not read between the lines and find ways to be there for her  without her having to ask? Was I too worried about being someone else's  friend that I didn't spend quality time nurturing my relationship with her? Was she just over me as a person? Had I become too annoying for her to put up with?

I'll probably never know why she packed up and left my life and it's taken me years to be okay with that. 

But during those years, I've started to be much more aware about how I treat the people I call my friends. I have become obsessed with figuring out how to become a better friend.

That's why I do a friendship inventory once a year on Yom Kippur.

Here's what I do:

1. I write a list of everyone I consider a friend. These are people I feel I have a relationship with. People I care about and who have made an effort to show they care about me.

2. I write a score next to the person's name, from 1-5. This score represents how good of a friend I think I've been to them this year. Did I reach out to say hello? Did I make an effort to see them or talk to them? Did I go above and beyond for them? Did I make them feel loved, supported, respected, and heard? There aren't a lot of 5's…there are so many 3's. 

3. Then I give myself feedback. How could I have been better to that person? Do I want to continue to nurture this friendship? Is there anything I did wrong to them this year? And soooo much more. It's usually 3-4 sentences per person.

4. On the other side of the paper, I write down what kind of friend they've been to me in the past year. Did they make an effort? Did they show that they wanted to still be my friend? Then I also remember that everyone - every single person - has a myriad of internal struggles we don't always know about. So before I get down about a person or our friendship, I think about that and I think about what I can do to reach out to them and show them love, make an effort, attempt to repair the friendship - etc.

5. To close out the inventory, I write 1-2 actions I can take, per person, to be a better friend to them. 

I know this inventory might sound weird or odd - or even just a lot to do. But friendship doesn't always have as clear of rules or boundaries like a romantic relationship often does. 

We don't always express to our friends how much they mean to us. We don't always know the right way to end a friendship, so we end it all wrong.

This inventory is my way of checking-in, of slowing down, of shinning perspective on the people in my life so that I never, ever, again take anyone for granted.

All my love,

Jen Glantz 

Random Pick-Me-Ups 

Everything I Enjoyed Reading (+ Listening to) This Week

I can't stop listening to this song. I found it on TikTok and it's just great background music for a busy workday. 

I wrote this article for Business Insider on side hustles you can do that can get you more cash at your current job. 

Sharing this list of the best books of 2022 so far. I'm going to reserve a bunch of the library so I can read them during the cold days ahead.

Monthly horoscopes! I love reading my horoscope during the first week of a new month. I'm a true Aries. 

Ps. More details about my friendship inventory process inside this week's podcast. 

What I've Been Telling My Friends About 

This weekend, I splurged on the softest sweatshirt ever. It was super pricey but honestly I feel like I'll wear it every single day this winter season. 

This is something I need to do more often: clean my makeup brushes. I haven't replaced my brushes in 5+ years so I bought this set. 

Even though I don't like to cook at all - I'm trying to make fun lunches. I found this article on lunch recipes that take under 5-mins. That's totally my style. 

Random but SO fun! I was a guest on Ryan Seacrest's radio show last week.

The End

Thanks for reading the Pick-Me-Up Newsletter. If you know someone who'd adore getting this in their inbox, will you send them this link? And if you want to keep in touch this week, you can find me on Instagram, Linkedin, and TikTok (for a real odd time).

Until next Monday, I'll be rooting for you and cheering you on! Have an epic week.

Jen Glantz 

p.s. Sharing some odd facts about my life with you in this short little video