👏🏻Why am I like this?

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Hi, friend. Jen Glantz here.

Seriously though, why am I like this? I'm starting to think I have a major character flaw in how secretive I can be. I could win the lottery and if someone asked how my day was, I'd calmly reply: It's going okay, how about you?

I have two modes: I'll either tell you everything to the point of exhaustion, or I'll tell you nothing, holding onto even the most mundane details of my life like they're exotic gems.

With me, there's no in-between.

Combo’ed with my tendency to keep things to myself for far too long, I'm starting to feel like I'm some kind of oddball with issues too complex for a quick Google search to solve.

I asked Google anyway.

Google is many things, but mean isn't one of them. When you ask it a question like this, instead of saying: It's because you're a weirdo, it politely responds with:

If you think I'm being overdramatic, then hang out with me in person. I promise you'll be pissed.

We could spend a fun afternoon doing one of those paint and sip classes, talking about stories from our childhood and our shared love of comedy podcasts, and then you'll go home, browse the internet, and see somewhere that I have a brand new book that just came out and say:

HOW THE HECK DID THIS GIRL NOT TELL ME THAT IN THE FOUR HOURS WE SPENT TOGETHER?

And you'll wonder if there's something wrong with you, but there's not. There's something wrong with me, and today, I asked a therapist to pick me apart so maybe I can do something about it — but also maybe not.

👋 Welcome to the Monday Pick-Me-Up. My third book came out last week. I haven’t told anyone about it. I have a box of 15 copies sitting at my door that I refuse to open. WTF is wrong with me? Scroll to find out.

👏 Instant Pick Me Ups

🛒: Things I loved so far this month:

• My friend Susan reminded me not to dull down my style and stay true to my “boldness” so that inspired me to get this warm winter sweatpant/sweatshirt set in “stand-out” pink. It’s sooo bright but I love that it is. Winter style tends to be so muted. Wearing this makes me feel like I’m wrapped in sunshine. It does lift my mood.

• I’m eyeing this desk tredmill because I think it could be fun to get steps in while talking calls or watching TV at night without having to go to the gym.

• Sharing these again because they are on sale!! My go-to every day sneakers.

• An odd but kind of cool last-minute gift to give a friend in need of self-care.

⏰: Real friendship should make you feel comfortable and safe. When you stretch your chest, your heart isn't racing - it's calm, like the feeling you get after taking magnesium.

When most authors' books get published, they film this emotional video of them slicing open the brown box and looking at their cover and their book in real life for the first time. I have made these videos before. I have cried watching these videos before.

It's why I have a brown box of my own waiting at my front door. When Adam asks what's inside I say: Do not ask, do not open. And he brushes it off as just another one of my dozen (x 890) quirks.

He ordered a copy of my book on his own, and when he went to open the package, I saw the edge of the book sticking out and I, in what felt like slow motion, ran toward him blubbering no0o0o0o and grabbed the package, stuck it in my pants, and walked away as if none of that ever happened.

The paint and sip story is true. I went out with a newish friend on the day the book came out. We had a lovely time. We got to know each other like friends do. Then she went home, saw something about the book, and texted me question marks with a WTF. I still haven't responded.

Why can't I be a normal everyday kind of person who stands outside waiting for the UPS driver to hand her the box of books and runs home to open them just to share them with the world? Why can't I erase everything I wrote in this email and just say: I wrote a book. I'm proud of it. It took me five years!!! FIVE YEARS IS LONGER THAN MOST PEOPLE GO TO COLLEGE. Here's the link! Read it and leave me a review okay? Love ya!

But instead, I'm walking around with a t-shirt that says: DO NOT ask me about my book.

It's not like this is a one-time thing. I've always been this weird about special stuff. Before Gemma was born, I asked all of my best friends to write her a letter welcoming her to the world. I told them I'd read her these letters when she was born. Gemma turns two in March and I have a thick stack of these letters, all unopened, sitting on a shelf in her closet.

My friend Kerri always writes me birthday cards that are funny and filled with inside jokes. One year, I didn't open them for almost a year and a half, but kept them in my nightstand.

Should I share more? No, you probably get the point.

I do want to change this because I’m 36 and my odd-ways are no longer so easy to hide. People in their mid-thirties start to shed their BS tendencies. Mine are rising to the surface like sun freckles.

SO let’s do this together.

First, I got advice from a therapist who summed up exactly why I am this way. Meet Dr. Kane. I don’t know him IRL but he was kind enough to respond to a request I put out there asking for help.

Me: Dr. Kane, what is wrong with me?

Dr. Kane: In my experience, people sometimes hold onto unopened gifts because of underlying anxiety or emotional overwhelm. Opening a gift can trigger feelings they might not be ready to face like disappointment, sadness, or even guilt. For some, it may bring up memories of strained relationships or feelings of unworthiness, making it emotionally safer to leave the gift untouched. Others might delay opening it to preserve the moment, holding onto the idea of the gift rather than facing the reality of what it contains. This hesitation can also be tied to perfectionism, where the person feels pressure to respond in a certain way or fears they won’t appreciate the gift "correctly."

Feelings of unworthiness? CHECK!

Preserve the moment over facing reality? SAY NO MORE!

Pressure to respond a certain way? I’M ALWAYS ACTING! What if I don’t cry? What if I see the book and feel…nothing? That’s likely for me. I don’t respond to major life moments with joy or happiness. Add this to my list of oddities!

Me: Dr. Kane, WTF are we going to do about this? How do I open the brown box of books?

Dr. Kane: Ask yourself why opening it feels difficult. Is it fear of disappointment, guilt, or something else? Naming the feeling can help reduce its power. Then, take small, manageable steps

Me: I asked ChatGPT to help me put name this feeling and it came up with:

Dr. Kane: When you feel ready, choose a quiet, comfortable space to open it without any pressure to react in a certain way. This isn’t about forcing yourself but rather gently giving yourself permission to receive kindness and joy at your own pace.

Me: I think I have something in mind…..

It’s Thursday and I’m staring at the brown box. I want the moment I open it to be special, but without any pressure. I know that I’m not ready to do this today. But I am giving myself a deadline of Tuesday (a day after the newsletter comes out).

So, I am open to suggestions. What do you think I can/should do to:

1. Open the freaking books already!!!

2. Get past the feeling of needing to hold onto this moment so that I can properly share the book with the world.

Thank you ( and Dr. Kane) for the help ↓

I’ll share how I did it next week.

Love,

Jen

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