You Missed the Warning Signs
But you don't miss them the second time
Greetings First name / friend, It's me, your friend Jen. I'm writing to you from a tiny coffee shop in Brooklyn. It smells like coffee and sweat in here. For some reason, that scent is oddly comforting.
I'm thinking about how forgiveness isn't something we have to 100% dive into. We can ease into forgiving someone, as if we're dipping one toe at a time into an ice cold pool. Once your entire foot is in there, you're shivering, but it's temporary, until you decide to go knee-deep, and then you shiver again.
Forgiveness is sometimes a step forward, then one back, then a step forward, and so on. You might never make it full-body, hair wet, totally submerged in the pool of “we're okay now”. But you'll go at a pace that feels right, when it feels right, and only if it feels right.
In this issue: A life-changing moment at a concert I went to solo, what I read this week, a song that will get you feeling groovy.
Why you’re getting this: I'm Jen Glantz and this is the Pick-Me-Up newsletter. I've been sending it every Monday, for 8-years, to thousands of awesome humans, just like you. Thanks for letting this email live in in your inbox. It truly makes my heart explode with joy.
THE PICK-ME-UP
Years and years ago, before I knew Adam existed, I found myself in Central Park, at a Dashboard Confessional concert, solo. I was feeling sad because I'd just gone on 3 dates with a guy my heart ached for. But after date 3, he ghosted me. He didn't return text 1,2, 5, or 7. I decided to do something outrageous and attend a concert by myself.
It was the first concert I had ever gone to alone and I was nervous and self-conscious that people would look at me jamming out to emo songs and think, “Why doesn't this human have anyone to jam out with?”. But the truth is, when we do something that makes us feel odd or uncomfortable, nobody else really cares or notices. We just think they do. So a few minutes into the show, I gave up wondering what these random people thought of me and I inched closer and closer to the front of the stage and started screaming lyrics to songs that I memorized when I was 13, 14, and 15.
All of a sudden, this woman next to me taps me on the shoulder and says hello. “Here solo, too?” she asked. In life, people attract other people who are in similar situations without even trying. It just happens, like magic, and it always means something life changing will happen next.
We ended up talking in between songs and realized we had a lot in common: we were from the same hometown, had distant mutual friends, and both had been to over 17 Dashboard Confessional concerts.
That's when she said to me words I never thought someone would say to me when I was attending a concert solo - but sometimes really good things happen to you when you take a chance and do something you'd never normally do.
“I have an extra pass to go backstage after the show. Want to come with me?”
And that's how I found myself hugging the lead singer and practically crying on him as he played a 2-song acoustic show for us backstage passers.
After it all ended, we walked out of his tour bus, and out of the venue.
“That was the most epic thing that's happened to me in so…"I began to tell her.
But all of a sudden I lifted my head up and there he was. The guy my heart ached for. The one who didn't speak to me after date #3. He was right there. In front of my face.
“Jen! OMG, hey! I can't believe you're here.”
I was in shock. I didn't move. I didn't say…anything.
He hugged me as my arms hung by my side.
My new friend stood next to me. Her eyebrows arching in complete wonder.
“It's so good to see you. You know, I've been meaning to reach out. I'd love to see you again.”
And that's when it hit me. We spend so much time chasing after the things, the people, we think we want. But sometimes what we think we want is so wrong for us, we just missed the warning signs. We're smarter and wiser than we give ourselves credit for. We act out of desperation because we're scared to lose something we think we want, when the truth is, we don't want it, we just want something.
Something we can find the second we say goodbye.
“No.” I responded, simply, and walked away.
I hugged my new friend and thanked her for the best night of my life.
I never saw her again. But 7 years later, I think about our chance encounter, our fast friendship, the opportunity to go backstage and meet someone legendary to me, the serendipitous moment of running into a person I wanted to run into so badly, until it happened, and I realized I didn't ever want to see them, or feel that way because of them again.
Dear friend, whatever is happening in your life right now that doesn't feel right, isn't something you have to hang onto. Let it go, even if you're scared you'll never ever find something else. You will. Trust yourself. Go on adventures. Take yourself to a solo dinner. Let new things into your life, and before you know it, you'll say goodbye to things you're barely holding onto now.
I adore you.
All my love,
Jen Glantz
Random Pick-Me-Ups
I'm about to start this book on healing from complex trauma
Thinking about buying this for a friend who just got broken up with
A book I wish I could buy and use but I'm too lazy and stubborn
Everyone LOVES this author. Should I read this book?
I'm actually overly obsessed with selling items on Poshmark right now. I wanted to make room in my closet so I listed a bunch of items I don't like anymore or never wear. In one week, I made $70 selling a handful of items and it took no time at all to do that. I'm @jenglantz on Poshmark if you're on the app - let's be friends.
To refill my closet, here are some new items I found that I really love and have already started wearing:
I practically live in basic t-shirts and I love the fit of this one. I have it in black and white.
A flattering dress for spring, summer, and fall
Love anything vegan leather for the fall and this is good shirt to wear with bike shorts or jeans
I went to a Dashboard Confessional / Andrew McMahon concert last week and it was wildly epic. If you don't know Andrew, press play on this as you do your to-do list today.
Everything I wrote this week:
A new article on recession-proof side hustles that I'm considering doing to make extra cash
What to do now in case you get laid-off later
How to make an extra $2,500 in passive income
Outdated wedding traditions and what to do instead
How to get your life back on track (a podcast!)
Wedding tips (on NBC News LIVE!)
The most popular course I offer is this one on personal branding. Why do 10+ people take this course a month? Because your personal brand is constantly evolving, changing, and growing. Yet we don't always know how to update it and share it with the world in a way that can help us land new opportunities. This course involves 1:1 feedback, video lessons, and assignments.
The End
Thanks for reading the Pick-Me-Up Newsletter. If you know someone who'd adore getting this in their inbox, will you send them this link? And if you want to keep in touch this week, you can find me on Instagram, Linkedin, and TikTok (for a real odd time).
Until next Monday, I'll be rooting for you and cheering you on! Have an epic week.
Jen Glantz
p.s. Here's the behind-the-scenes look at what it was like to go on Access Hollywood last week.