Are you over text messages?

It's Monday. I'm here for you

Hi, Friend. Jen Glantz here.

It's me — the world's worst texter. Or at least that's the nickname I'm convinced all of my loved ones have changed my contact information to in their phone.

I currently have 76 unanswered text messages. Before writing this newsletter, I spent time going through some of them to dwindle that number down. But that process was humanizing. Some of the messages I haven't responded to are important and kind.

They are from best friends asking me how I'm feeling after my February dizzy spell.

They are from people I haven't spoken to in months congratulating me on Finally the Bride.

Other people tossing out times for lunch plans, a Friday night at the movies, or a quick warm latte.

My own parents sending me sweet little things that deserve a thank you in return.

Adam is smart about this. He's realized by now that if he needs something from me, a text won't do it. He calls instead, even slaps sticky notes on my laptop screen.

I won't lie to you.

I'm very much intentionally bad at texting. It's a choice.

I'm not bad at texting because I never have my phone on me — it's practically melded into my body and become an essential organ at this point.

And it's not that I'm so busy all of the time that I don't have 20 extra seconds to reply to a text about episode 5 of this season's Love is Blind.

Look at this!! This was my screen time from last week:

That's a lot of time on the phone every day. Clearly I'm spending it doing something and that something is not texting back my friends and family members…

My why is because I don't like texting.

Here’s what I mean:

• I don't like feeling "on call" more than I already am in my life. I'm on call as a mom around the clock. I'm on call with my work because I'm a "solopreneur" and my income relies on how many hours I work.

• I spend a lot of time on TikTok and Reddit. But those places make me feel like i’m crawling out of my real life and sometimes a girl just needs to crawl out of her own life — for an hour or two a day.

• I'm attached to my phone but I'm not on it consistently. I work in the mornings and try to stay off it — except to post something on social media — which often turns into wasting a lot of time on social media. I'm with Gemma from lunchtime until she goes to sleep at night. I check my phone every once in a while when she's distracted but don't want the phone to distract her. A LOT of texts come in during that time. I see them. I dream of how I'd respond. But then I go back to playing with Gemma and I forget about them until right before I go to bed and by that point, I'm too tired to reply back with anything that makes any kind of sense. This is TMI to tell you. The next point is my real why.

• I don't like texting. That's the truth. I find it impersonal. There's pressure on how you say things. It's way harder to be fully honest and authentic. I'd rather pick up the phone and talk. I will tell a person everything, give them my entire attention and heart. I let it all out on the phone. Not on text. If someone dares ask me how I'm doing over text, I either won't remember to respond or respond days later when during that time, I've felt a million different things about life. On the phone, I'll tell you it all, I swear. I won't have to worry about punctuation or abbreviating it for length.

But what does this mean for the people who love and care about me? It means that it drives them nuts.

The other day, I was in an early morning work sprint with my phone tucked away in my bag. When I grabbed it, I saw 8 missed text messages from one of my close friends.

I instantly thought: whoa something bad must have happened.

Why else would this person text me so many times, so early in the morning? This person and I hardly ever text.

I saw the last message first:

Jen, did I do something to make you upset with me?

I scrolled through their other 7 messages.

Because I hadn't responded in an hour and 45 minutes to any of these messages, this friend thought I was purposely ignoring them.

I'm so so sorry. I wrote back, trying to explain everything. I knew they must have spiraled because of the silence and as a person who has spiraled before, I didn't blame them.

But I also felt frustrated that there's an expectation around replying to text messages ASAP.

These days, I do very few things with an ASAP spirit.

If Gemma asks to play ice cream shop with me or dance to itsy bitsy spider, I'm all about that ASAP speed.

But replying to texts and emails has me going at a much slower pace than ever for all the reasons I shared and also because I do believe life is meant to be lived offline and so that's how I'm trying to remember to live it.

So here I am, standing in my truth: I'm terrible at texting, and that's just how it is.

Maybe the point is that we all connect differently? Some people thrive in the rapid-fire world of text bubbles, while others (like me) need the hug of a voice, the fullness of undivided attention, the commitment of setting everything else aside to truly listen to a person bare it all over the phone.

I'm learning to stop apologizing for how I've become. Instead, I'm being upfront about it.

I care about you deeply—and I'm awful at texting is becoming my friendship disclaimer, hoping that people in my life get it and know that my delayed response isn't a reflection of how I feel about them.

My selfie of the week! I got my haircut this week. I got it colored last week. I really do feel like a brand new person!

How we communicate is our choice, we don't have to apologize for it, but we do need to be honest with those we love about what they can expect from us.

So the next time my phone buzzes with a text, I'll remind myself that it's okay to reply when I’m able to — or ready — and I don’t have to feel so crummy about it, like I’m letting people down.

I’m not a texter, but I am a good friend. Is my mantra this week. How about you?

Take care of yourself today (ilysm),

Jen Glantz

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👏 Instant Pick Me Ups

Here is the link to my book!! Finally the Bride. Thank you for considering reading the book and for your support. There are so many ways to help an author — so here are some if you have a few mins to spare:

• Leave an Amazon review for the book! I want to try to get to 100. Can you help me? You can leave a review this in under 15-seconds here.

• Share the book with anyone in your world who might be in the mood for a rom-com with a lot of twists, laughs, and oddball moments.

🛍️: A few items I swear by this week

• I was on the hunt for a new pair of jeans and I found these. They are INCREDIBLE and only $30. I feel like they make me look tall, thin, and stylish. I’m grabbing them in two more colors.

• The hand vase for the wall that’s in my selfie pic above. I love this!

• Resharing these sneakers because they are great with jeans, leggings, and dresses.

• 20% off this spring quilted jacket from Gap this week.

• Keeping my eyes on this dress for spring/summer. If you sign up to their email list, you get 20% off!

🎵: A fun fun song for this morning.

📚:I’m listening to this book as an audiobook this week.

👏 Random little life updates that I would have texted but you know how I feel about texting:

• I’m still off caffeine and haven’t had regular coffee in 6+ months. I feel great — even though most of those 6 months have included rocky sleep. I do opt for a decaf latte every now and then. A barista told me to try adding honey and cinnamon to my lattes - and wow - it makes them taste soo good. A hack for you if you need a beverage pick me up this week.

• I’m slowly getting back to working out post dizzy adventure. I’ve opted for less intense workouts as I build back my strength. I’m using these a lot (2 pounds) and pairing them with these types of workouts on YouTube.

• This always happens. I feel like I’m finally figuring out motherhood and raising a toddler and then Daylight Savings pops up and messes up everything!! It’s the meanest thing to do to a new-ish mom. Be kind to the moms of young ones in your life this week!! They are trying to fix and figure out sleep schedules while attempting to hide the bags under their eyes (mine are more like deflated balloons).

• I’ve been spending so much brainpower marketing my new book in hopes that people buy a copy. It’s exhausting and strange marketing a book — especially when that book includes deep dark secrets from your life. I’m so nervous about what people think. Do they like the book? Is it interesting to them? I got an email this week that a book reviewing site took a look at the book. I was so nervous to hear what they thought and cried when I saw that they made it an EDITOR’S PICK!!!! And this is what they said:

ahhhhhh. I am still beside myself about this.

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