What do you do?
It's Monday. I'm here for you.
The most popular question that people will ask us
throughout our lives
no matter where we are
is:
What do you do?
That question drives me nuts.
Most of the time, I just lie.
I’m in marketing.
I am not in marketing.
I’m a freelancer.
I am not really a freelancer.
I do things!
I guess the last one is true. I do…things?
For the first time in years, I found myself on a plane, heading to a conference, where that question would be asked practically every minute, on the minute, unsure of how I was going to answer it.
Welcome to the Monday Pick-Me-Up. It doesn’t make sense to me that the most popular question people will ever ask is: what do you do? when our work is only one aspect that defines our lives. But since I can’t change the question, I can challenge how I answer it. Let me explain…
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On my way to the conference in Nashville, I chatted up my seat mate on the airplane.
She’s a few years younger than me with perfectly trimmed hair. I asked her about her skincare routine, we picked apart the plot of Sweeney Todd, and statically mapped out the one free snack we each were going to grab from the flight attendant and split.
We spent the first 90-minutes of the flight getting to know each other by talking like two friends over brunch would.
To understand a person, you must watch them closely when they talk about their passions and listen, silently, when they tell you about their fears.
And then, all of a sudden, my seat mate realized she had forgotten to ask the most popular question in the entire world.
I forgot to ask you! She said. What do you do?
By that point, she knew about how I had a one-year old, was dealing with bouts of postpartum anxiety, and about how I used to get bullied in the fifth grade for having cystic acne (she did too).
I was willing to tell her almost anything about me. But I dreaded telling her what I did for work.
Because once we start talking about our jobs, people see us differently.
They think they know everything about us when really they just know what we do to pay our bills.
Some people absolutely love their jobs and they are defined by them. But most people I know work a job that aligns with a skill they are good at because they are hungry for a paycheck.
To know a lot of people that I know, you wouldn’t know much about them from their job titles. It would be deceiving.
That’s a common problem, but it’s not mine.
My problem is that I am painfully shy when it comes to answering that question.
Hours later, I’m in Nashville grabbing lunch with my friend, begging her to ask me the question that’s about to fall out of everyone’s mouth:
Just ask me what I do. And critique my answer.
What do you do?
I write.
She sat still.
And I have a wedding business!
She crossed her arms.
And..
I gave up. It’s been 9-years since I worked at a company and had someone else write my job title. Since then, I’ve been doing a bunch of different things, every month as my job.
I run Bridesmaid for Hire.
I get hired to speak at companies, conferences, and universities.
I’m a content creator with 200,000 total newsletter subscribers and 100,000 social media followers and brands pay to get in front of my audience.
But when people ask that question, how much of the nitty gritty do they really want to know?
They want a job title. They want a company name. They want it to be easy on the ears.
So I never know what to say. I end up sharing too much. I end up sharing too little. I end up just being extremely vague because then it gives me the power to shift the convo back to anything else.
I’m in marketing (a lie) and where did you say you lived again? Near Yellowstone? Tell me more!
At the conference, I decide to test different versions of my answer out on people.
I make a pact with myself that in an effort to not overwhelm a stranger wearing a conference badge, I will just tell them one piece of my career puzzle.
I can anticipate the question being asked because seconds before, my heart puts on boxing gloves.
I have a newsletter. I nervously tell one person.
Newsletters, my friend whispers a nudge.
Newsletters, I continue. A few of them. 200 subscribers across them all.
200,000 subscribers my friend grunts.
That didn’t go so well, so I try again, this time with a different angle.
I’m a content creator! I tell someone enthusiastically.
What do you create?
I panic. I don’t even know where to start. I didn’t practice answering that question!
Well that’s a great question. I say, looking down into my cup. I’ll answer it as soon as I get another one of these.
I don’t go to bar for another seltzer water. I head for the exit door.
The final person who asks that question, I find myself too tired to lie or withhold information. So I just bare it all.
I run a company called Bridesmaid for Hire, write books, run a few newsletters, am also a content creator, oh! and a paid speaker.
By the time I get the last part out, I can see her looking down into her cup.
I can see her eyes, take direction from her brain. They swirl.
Then, she uses my freaking trick!
It all sounds…interesting. But excuse me, I need to get another drink.
I never see her again.
The weekend goes on and I test out 45 different versions of how to answer that question before realizing that if I can’t change the question, I can change how I respond.
If you don’t want to be defined by your job OR you find your career overwhelming to explain, this might help you.
What do you do?
Rather than: I am a _____ (project manager, teacher, software engineer).
I’m going to start answering it as: I work as ____.
AND, I’m going to add onto it.
I’m going to share something else about myself, completely un-work related, because we’re all so interesting and fascinating and if that’s the most popular question we’ll ever get asked, we might as well use it as a chance to say something else we’re completely obsessed with.
Because truly, I don’t want to talk about your job with you. I want to talk to you about almost everything else.
On the flight home, I chat with my seat mate. This time, it’s a guy in his 50’s with thin-rimmed glasses and a button-down shirt.
We talk about pizza spots in Nashville and how airplane seatbelts are painted with germs.
And then, before the plane even taxis for takeoff, he asks me the question I’ve worked so hard to practice.
I work as an entrepreneur, content creator, and writer. I say, confidently. But I also spend a lot of time listening to fiction audiobooks and pushing a stroller around Brooklyn that either has Goofy (the dog) or Gemma (the baby) in it.
I could watch the guy next to me attempt to process my answer before opening his mouth to speak.
Well, okay! I thought you were going to say something simple like you worked worked in marketing. He laughs.
Exhausted from the silly little question and a weekend’s worth of answers, I laugh too.
Nice to meet you, he says, nodding his head, before plugging his ears with headphones and turning on the TV.
You too, I reply, proud of my own answer and suddenly realizing that the question of what do you do should be one that you’re comfortable answering, no matter what you say, or even, how the person listening decides to respond.
⚡Instant Pick Me Ups
📚: I read this entire book on the plane ride home. It’s about a woman’s journey as a CNN reporter covering tech titans during the boom of companies like Instagram, Uber, and Facebook.
💄: I tried out a handful of new beauty products this week and I love this brow gel and this bronzer. I also replaced my eyeshadow brushes with these low-priced but high-quality ones.
🎂: Two of my favorite birthday gifts: my mom got me this bag which is perfect for travel, errands, or just a Saturday outing. I splurged on these jeans as gift to myself. They fit well and are true to size.
👗: I went with a “one color” look for each of my conference outfits. Here’s what I wore:
All-White Chic
All-Black Semi-Casual
Lululemon softstreme sweatshirt (tuck the front under your bra to give it a more cropped look
All-Green Dinner Outfit
😮 Progress Report:
The best question someone asked me, and a group of people who all didn’t know each other, was: what’s something fascinating about you? Just from that question, I learned so much about the people sitting next to me, and nothing about their jobs, which is always a beautiful way to get to know a person.
Ingrid Michaelson spoke at the conference and talked about going through grief and how when we’re going through such intense hard times, that linger, it can be impossible to sort through our emotions. I can’t stop thinking about this quote: Sadness chooses you, and you chose joy. Joy isn’t something that’s easy in our lowest, darkest times, and often it takes courage to wake up in the morning and decide to feel it or allow it into your life.
One of my best friends and I have started doing workout classes together over Zoom. We used to workout IRL almost every day when we were neighbors but she moved to a different state. It’s been a great way to get moving again, without going to a crowded gym, and it’s a fun way to bond with a friend. Right now, we’re doing Tracy Anderson Method workouts. They are 🔥.
Why you’re getting this: I'm Jen Glantz and this is The Monday Pick-Me-Up newsletter. I've been sending it every Monday, for 9-years, to thousands of awesome humans, just like you. Thank you for letting this email live in your inbox. It truly makes my heart explode with joy.
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I loved this read! I try to be very conscious of asking the "what do you do" question. One of my favorite alternatives is "How do you like to spend your time?"
We're glad you do BRIDESMAID FOR HIRE <3