👋 Can you help me say no?

It’s Tuesday. I’m here for you.

Have you ever looked at:

• At your calendar

• At your friendships

• At your hobbies

• At your bright-eyed big-hearted self

And thought —

When did I become the type of person who says YES to everything because it’s easier than saying nooooo?

Welcome to the Monday Pick-Me-Up. Yes, it’s Tuesday. It’s a Tuesday that feels like a stack of Mondays. Let’s talk about how to say no when you’re tired of the word yes.

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Greetings friend.

It’s me - Jen Glantz.

This past week, I found myself on a phone call with a reality show producer.

I have been on no less than 59 of these phone calls in the last decade.

Two years ago, I swore to myself that I wouldn’t have another phone call with one of these people ever again.

Since making that dim-light promise, I have taken at least 12 more of these phone calls.

These interactions go like this:

I get an email from a producer that says they are developing a TV show in the wedding space. The show is in the works and they just need one missing piece - me!

How exciting! Life changing! A TV show that I would be perfect for? PERFECT FOR? Count me in.

They ask for a phone call. I give them a date that works best for me, which is usually 3-5 days in the future. They reply saying it’s urgent and timely.

When Hollywood knocks, don’t let them slouch at your front door.

I say okay, fine, how is tomorrow?

They say what about today?

The next thing I know, I’m running a comb through my hair, rouging my lips, and smiling into the green dot on my computer saying hello to the TV producer who entered my inbox minutes ago.

These calls are always the same.

They end up being a bust.

There’s no show. There’s no opportunity. There’s just a curious producer who wants to learn the intimate details of my life story, get me to sign a 12-18 month exclusive agreement so they can package up my story as a Bridesmaid for Hire and sell it to Bravo.

I know this because on three separate occasions, over the past 10 years, I’ve signed these agreements. One time, I even met with Bravo. I also met with E!. Of course I met with Lifetime, Oxygen, and TLC.

^That’s a photo of me after pitching a reality show to a bunch of network execs in LA.

Back in the day, I met with ABC Family. We started filming a TV show actually. But then nothing happened to it. Clips of it are here.

My phrase of the year, theme of the year, resolution for this year is to just do things differently.

Finally, I want to punch life, and not feel like life’s punching bag.

So on January 1st, 2024, I once again said NO! NO! NO! to these phone calls.

And as early as January 11th, 2024, I was on another one.

When did I become the type of person who says yes to everything and no to what I actually want?

I think it was when I stopped caring about myself and cared more about the shiny disco balls entering my inbox, hitting up on my phone, knocking on some invisible door that I started to believe was standing in front of me and the fame I desperately wanted.

Dear friend, It’s easier to say yes to things when you put down, put aside, and put away what you actually want.

All I ask of myself this year is this:

2024 can’t feel like last year, or the year before, it has to feel like my life again.

And to make that happen, I have to start saying no.

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So here’s my plan:

• I need to be clear about what I want to say yes and no to.

When I get these emails, a part of me glides closer to my computer. Someone out there in the world thinks I’m worthy enough of an opportunity like this?

My heart sizzles and my confidence feels juiced. So I toss out my morals and values, put on a blouse, and get on the phone call.

I want to stop living my life in a way where I only perk up like a puppet if someone else is pulling my strings and telling me how fantastic I am.

Most of the time they don’t mean it. Some of the time it’s praise for something I don’t actually care about. The wrong kind of praise can mislead your heart. I’ve spent years lost in a shallow place because of that. So in order to know what to say yes to vs. no to, you have to be clear about your reasons.

For example, I’m in a friend-making era of my life. I was asked to join a book club last week, which sounded amazing because it combos two of my favorite things: reading and people. But the group shared that you had to be available (1x) a month for in-person gatherings and (1x) a month for a virtual hang-out. It stated that you weren’t allowed to miss either of those things. If you did, you would be kicked out.

Stepping away from the flattery of being invited to this, it’s easy to see that this is an automatic no for me.

I can’t even find the time for a daily shower right now with all that I have going on (working full-time and doing full-time child care). I can’t commit to mandatory monthly anythings in my life.

But even so, I thought about this offer, deeply, for three days before replying.

I asked myself why I would say yes to this and the truth was because I was mesmerized that people wanted me in the group. I was obsessed with the fact that I was wanted somewhere. And a part of me wanted to join so I could hold onto that feeling.

But the why behind me saying no was that what I really want in life is more connection but I don’t want more firm obligations. If I can’t have one without the other, it has to be a no.

So I said my peace which was a long-winded thank you, but no for now.

• Have a document of scripts to use when I need to say no

Having the words on hand to turn down things makes it 75% easier. I find that writing a no reply or email just makes me so frustrated. I often backspace what I wrote and reply with a yes instead.

Remember, if saying yes is easier than saying no, it doesn’t mean it’s what is best or right for you.

This is where something like ChatGPT can be so helpful. I pasted an email into it last week and said please reply no to this person who asked me to be a guest on their podcast (for the fifth time). Here’s what it spit out for me to use:

I edited the message more to sound like me and sent it off. The entire no process took a total of five-minute and not five long days where I usually just end up saying yes.

• Ask a friend who can write a fast reply for you to use

I sent a friend the book club email this week and said please write back a no response for me.

In three minutes, she replied with a perfect response. I didn’t edit it at all, I just sent it.

Phone a friend for a no if you’re having trouble getting it out yourself.

That’s my plan. What do you think?

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⚡Instant Pick Me Ups

📚: I listened to this book as an audiobook and it was so fun. I felt like I was inside the book the entire time. I know they made a TV show about the book but I haven’t watched it yet.

📺: I do a late-night treadmill walk a few times a week and usually listen to an audiobook or podcast but I decided to try watching Netflix and got hooked on the TV show The Crown. Whoa. I didn’t mean to start the show at season one but I did and it’s really good if you need something binge-able to watch.

✉️: I have a friend going through a really tough time right now and instead of texting her a thousand times asking how she is doing, I’m finding less intimate ways to show up for her. For example, I send her something in the mail a few times a month. A letter, postcard, a small treat. I hope these fun surprises give her a pick-me-up. They also don’t require her to answer the how are you question because truly the answer is “not good” and it sucks to have to write that to your friends a bunch of times.

🎵: Gemma (the baby) and I are jamming out to this song. A throwback!

😋: I’m working on perfecting this recipe. I made it for the first time last week and it was a 5/10.My mistake was not measuring ingredients properly. Going to try again this week.

🎧: Listening to this podcast episode and learning a lot about Lance Bass.

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😮 Jen Glantz needs help…

I caught a glimpse of myself in a security footage camera at TJMaxx the other day and thought: whoa, girlie, you look a bit rough.

I’m not saying this in a pity me way or in a give me compliment way. I really love myself and how I look, I just think my face can use a pick-me-up.

I had a baby last year, I’m turning 36 soon, and fun fact:

I have never used moisturizer or eye cream a day in my life.

I told that to a sales associate at Sephora last month and he jokingly convulsed and practically fainted.

So, I am asking for your help. What products do you swear by (for wrinkles, acne, acne scars, etc.), what services should I try, or what at-home tools should I get for my face?

I’ll give you some caveats: I don’t like a lot of stuff on my skin. Everything makes me breakout. I’m really into super clean beauty.

(Are you sure you’re up for this challenge? LOL).

The truth is, my face can use a little lovin’ and I’m just not ready for that lovin’ to be botox.

I really think a few obvious things could go a long way: like drinking more than a sip of water and perhaps a few serums. But I’m open to suggestions - from you or your skincare bestie.

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Why you’re getting this: I'm Jen Glantz and this is The Monday Pick-Me-Up newsletter. I've been sending it every Monday, for 9-years, to thousands of awesome humans, just like you. Thank you for letting this email live in your inbox. It truly makes my heart explode with joy.

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Who the heck is Jen Glantz? Hi, that’s me! I’m the founder of Bridesmaid for Hire, a nonfiction author, and content creator. I live in Brooklyn with Goofy (the dog), Gemma (the baby), and Adam (the husband). I eat pizza almost every day. If you want to say hello, hit reply or leave a comment. Ps. if you want to work together: I offer company workshops, digital courses, and pick-me-up coaching.

See you next week! Woohoo!

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